Jokes

Got a funny joke? Post it here for everyone to read.

an elephant and a camel meet on a road:

Elephantl: Say, why is it you camels have your breasts on your back?

The camel pauses for a mimute....

Camel: That's an unusual question coming from someone who has a dick on his face...

the moral of the joke is this: camels are sexier than elephants!

so michael jackson is on his private plane...and he's in the back with a bunch of little boys. So all of a sudden the pilot runs back to where michael is and he's like, "michael! theres a problem with the pane! come to to cockpit!"
So michaels in the cockpit and the pilot tells him to get on a parachute because they're going to jump. And michael jackson says, "but what about the boys?!" and the pilot goes, "fuck the boys!" and michael goes...
"you think we have time??"

a good joke:
"Two muffins sat in an oven. one muffin says to the other muffin:
"Boy, it's hot in here." and the other muffin says, "holy sh1t! a talking muffin!"
hahaha

Shortly after his spaceship landed on the moon, the astronaut debarked and began exploring the strange new terrain. He had walked for only fifteen minutes when he came upon a lovely young moon girl, who was busily stirring the contents of a meteoroid pot.
"Hi," he said, introducing himself. "I'm an astronaut, here to discover everything I can about life on the moon."
The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him a smile. "How interesting it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she observed, looking him up and down. Pointing to her own, quite naked body, she asked, "And am I structured as are earth woman?"
"Yes, you are," answered the astronaut. "But tell me, why do you stir that pot?"
"I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a baby appeared in the pot.
"Would you like to see how we make babies on earth?"
asked the astronaut, by now considerably aroused. The girl said she would, so the astronaut proceeded with a passionate demonstration.
"That was enjoyable," she said afterward, "but where is the baby?"
"Oh, that takes nine months," explained the astronaut.
"Nine months?" she asked. "Then why did you stop stirring?"

There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home.
When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?"
She replies "A cock."
He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question.
She replies, "A cock".
He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but.... A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house.
He whips it out and asks, "What is this?"
She giggles and says, "A pee-pee."
He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says, "That's your pee-pee."
He finally breaks down and says, "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."
She laughs and says "No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black."

Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this and that and the subject finally got around to sex.
The first old lady said she enjoyed sex now just as much as ever.
The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was.
The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband comes into the bedroom, he gets turned on and has his way with her.
The second old lady decides to try this approach. So that night when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head.
Her husband comes into the bedroom, takes one look and says, "For God`s sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you`re starting to look like an asshole!"

Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an arm pit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

, god you people are weird

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Thanks
Panic

Lol...SOME of these are just really funny...other...weird :S

~ James

Moved to the 'Jokes' forum.

anybody else have some funny jokes?
I think I have one..
One day there were 3 guys who where in search for poo because they love to eat poo.
the guy's names are Doe, Re, Mi(Me). They go out in search for poo and they find some and place it in the cabinet. The next day Doe searched the cabinet but the poo was gone. Then Re searched the cabinet but also could'nt find the poo. So who ate the poo?
The answer is the funny part I hope you guys get it lol. It's also kinda weird too. =P

Lol ok..after reading the 2nd time I get it LMAO -giggle with happiness- lol

Wow you guys got some really good jokes lol xD. Ellen ur and AnimeBoy your jokes ownz lol! And yes you guys r weird

I guess that my jokes arent funny *sobs*

Jorgen wrote:

Wow you guys got some really good jokes lol xD. Ellen ur and AnimeBoy your jokes ownz lol! And yes you guys r weird

I think you mean AnimeGirl and AnimeBoy... not to be anything wrong.